"She's Such a Slut"(......because she's talented and I have an inferiority complex)
[ CAUTION : MIND EXCRETA AHEAD ]
I was a nerdy, moustached seventh grader when I was called a slut for the first time by a bunch of girls, after winning the Class President elections in 2007. It didn't matter then because, the meaning of the word was nebulous in my 12 year old brain.
Five years later, a guy spat the squalid term on me, which was ironic, in view of the fact that he'd been going around, ridiculously flaunting his fondness for me a day before he saw me working on a project with one of his guy-friends. It hurt. A lot. You'd obviously expect a 17 year old to understand the depth of the word "slut", its areas of usage and associated negativity. Wish, I didn't. It exacerbated the pain, while I incessantly thought about all the assumptions, society would make about me, with the slut filter on.
I went back home with a bitter mood, locked myself in a room, cried for hours together. Funny, because I'd actually started to view myself as a slut after the incident, despite my oblivion to basic sex-related knowledge, 12th graders typically have.
Months passed, college happened, innocence remained unscathed. I got busier and busier, subsequently drifted away from college-mates. Conversations with people got pithier and crisper. Life got better, professionally but deteriorated, socially. People mistook my seriousness for attitude and arrogance. A classmate, also a trustworthy friend, who was in touch with them more than I was, described to me how I was taken for one of those mean girls by the guys and a slut, by the girls given my interest in fashion besides other things. Dirty, disappointing canards propagated through college, which, to be honest, surprised me more than anything I, ideally, should've felt. Asinine, baseless remarks on my character were made by people who'd never talked to me before, who hardly knew me. The same old slut shaming, absolute balderdash. There was, quite naturally, a feeling of irritation, easy to get over this time. Maturity had finally embraced me.
While all these rumours happened, I discovered a bunch of genuine supporters and friends, who made recovery a short phase.
Interning at Koovs and Klozee, two fashion based, companies(/startups) this semester, turned out to be particularly conducive to the efforts I'd been making to become immune to context-less, piercing hogwash people barfed, as defense to their insecurities. I met some multi-talented, like minded girls who shared their own stories that sounded like different versions of what I'd been through. As comforting as that was, it also aggravated my existing disillusionment with the scenario.
My wrath arises from the emotional harm people knowingly or unknowingly cause to put their targets down, due to their own inability :
1. To achieve goals their targets could achieve
2. To get the attention of their targets through sincere effort or straight means
Defamation for revenge is an utterly loser scheme vis a vis dealing with personal trauma or inferiority complex. Pardon me for being didactic without your consent but working hard, building your own skills and getting inspired is the way to go. You'd probably love your targets, if you put yourself in their shoes.
To all the girls who've been called sluts at least once in their lives, I'd say, feel flattered. Take it as an indicator of progress. You're doing things right, if your intentions are pure, ambition is legit and approach is right. Adopt a 'switch off' strategy that usually involves reading, writing or picking up a new, less time consuming hobby. It's okay to be an occasional recluse.
As an end note, I'd apologise for the number of 'I's' and 'me's' I've used in the post, to this line and if you found this rant-y or whine-y. But I guess, that what my personal blog is all about.
Ping me, if you have a story to share or need help dealing with an issue in school, college or elsewhere.
Toodles!
